Fear is often portrayed as a negative emotion that does not serve you. But when we look at fear very basically, it is there to give us the energy to be able to act when there is danger. So you can actually say that fear is there for you, when you interpret it correctly. How do you do that? By questioning your fear!
Rise above your fear by understanding its origin
Fear or anxiety is a deep-seated emotion that often arose in our childhood as a result of a certain event. At that point, you couldn’t handle the emotion. Because you didn’t yet have the awareness and strength which was needed to do it. It may have felt like you wouldn’t survive if you allowed this emotion to be there. As a result, this fear has started to feel like a kind of death fear to you. Therefore refusing this feeling and not acknowledging its existence seemed the solution.
However, this feeling does want to be seen. Not because it wants to have you “dead” or make you feel uncomfortable forever, but because it wants to tell you the truth. Underneath this fear is the information you need to grow – to rise above this fear – so that you can progress on your life path. That’s why he’s still there in the background and keeps knocking on your door until you ask him to come in. Only when you do that and you see your fear for what or who it is – without identifying yourself with it – you break this behavioral pattern.
It sounds so easy, but why don’t we do it then?
This is because we often do not give ourselves the time to really feel whether something resonates with us. Or because it seems easier to just do it. Or… name it. Under the guise of: then it will be fine or this probably how it should be. So you adapt. However, you deprive yourself of the opportunity to think about what feels good to you and thus take up your space. Not realizing that you then actually choose for fear. By which you make yourself subordinate to both yourself and the other.
You don’t realize that because it is an unconscious program within yourself. Originated in your childhood when you were still dependent on your parents / guardians to survive. In which you were busy figuring out who you should be / who you could be so that they would continue to provide you with your essential physical and emotional needs. For fear of being isolated from this, you did not have the courage to stand for your truth. As a result of which you have become so entangled in that fear that you have come to regard it as the truth. That is why you – subconsciously – project this program over and over again on situations in your life: work, school, relationships, etc.
Don’t judge yourself for this, because it’s not that odd
We are originally a herd animal. According to the dictionary: “An animal that lives in a group in nature and shows little individual behavior”. So we are all programmed to watch how the other “survives”. If this turns out to be successful, we will adapt to it. So know that your learned behavior does not define who you are. It defines who you think you are.
Make decisions based on intuition and strength instead of fear
Because as a child we have not learned to really think about our emotions, but react from our reactive behavioral pattern, we unconsciously give space to our fear. But from your adult consciousness you can now do change that. You are now strong enough to face your fear without identifying with it. And know that everything that presents itself at a moment in your life will come in the exact amount that you can handle at that moment in time. Your subconscious will never put more on your plate than what you can handle at that moment.
So take back the control! By becoming aware of the origin of your anxiety, before you react / take action. Ask yourself whether the reaction you feel really applies to the current situation or whether you are responding from an old pattern (reactive). Or because you think others would do it that way (reactive). Give yourself the time and the opportunity to let your feelings be there and then act on it in a way that really defines YOU (proactive).
The exercise below will help you with this and will show you that the core of your anxiety is never covered by one “layer”, but by several. Layer after layer you get to the core and you free yourself to start living your life from authenticity.
Exercise: from unconscious to conscious
Take a look at yourself and your own fears. Then go back in your mind to one or more situations in which you felt anxious. Answer the following questions for yourself and write them down to help you understand your fear.
- What fear(s) did you have as a child?
- What fear(s) do you have now?
- If you look at the fear(s) you have now, what underlying program from the past is triggering it?
- Where in your body do you feel that fear?
- What physical reactions do you feel in your body?
- Can you link these physical sensations to physical complaints you experience, such as recurring back pain or a stiff neck?
- If you feel consciously and look at the situation objectively, what underlying assumptions can you now discover in your program?
- Then remove the identification and realize who you are in essence. For that, go into silence – meditation – with yourself. Because it all presents itself in the silence. Then you come into connection with your true essence. And you know from the inside what you have to do to take the reigns in your own hands again.
- Give yourself the time, be patient and compassionate with yourself during this exercise.
“See yourself through your own eyes, instead of others’ “