Somewhere deep down you feel and know that you have more to offer, that you are different and that the life you have lived until now actually doesn’t fully resonate with what you really envision for yourself. But to change the course that your life is taking, seems impossible. Because the intention to remain true to yourself, to your inner knowing, gets shaken by all kinds of external stimuli. And that is exactly where the crux lies: our focus is often more on the outside world then on our inner world. This is what makes us feel lost and out of balance. To restore this tendency within ourselves, it helps to understand why we do what we do. By creating an understanding of our South and North Nodes – which can be found in our birth chart – we present ourselves with the insights we need to be able to stay true to ourselves.
Why it can feel so unnatural to stay true to yourself
This year started for me with many big life questions. Who am I really? What of everything I’ve learned over the past 28 years aligns with my essence? What in all of this is really mine? And why am I here? Why are WE here? What is the purpose of our existence on Earth in general?
All questions that are completely relevant, but to which I did not have an immediate answer and that scared me. Why? Because I wanted to be in control, I wanted to stick to the form as I knew it. But in order to live an inspired life, we have to let go of control, take a leap of faith and surrender to the flow of life without having to immediately know all the answers to our questions or what tomorrow will look like.
Lilith and the zone of Priapus & the South- and North Node
This is an universal law and can be found in the spiritual points of everyone’s birth chart. Being represented by the North Node – which represents the desires of our souls; and the Black Moon – which represents our intuition. To manifest our souls desires, we need our intuition to guide the way. But this is often something that we have forgotten during our lives. How is that possible? I’ll explain that to you: Until about our sixth year of life we have a pure connection with our North Node and Black Moon. But after our sixth year, we largely lose our connection with them. This happens often because (traumatic) situations arise that make us distrust our channel – our intuition – by which we are inclined to adapt to the form that is mirrored to us. Because we start to mistrust our intuition, we are not able anymore to hear the call of our North Node and manifest its desires.
The descending from the North Node to the South Node
When we condition ourselves in the form that is mirrored to us, we forget our real essence. Seen from the perspective of the birth chart, we then move to the opposite points of the North Node and the Black Moon: the South Node and the Zone of Priapus. For example: if our North Node is in Sagittarius, we move to the opposite sign Gemini. And if our Black Moon is in Pisces, we move to the opposite sign of Virgo. Here we will focus fully on developing our personality, our ego, until about our 28th – 30th year.
We can easily identify with the behaviors and tendencies we find here. We also immediately find more connection with the time spirit in which we live. We finally feel like we belong: we are accepted instead of rejected. Although we often feel that this is a semblance of certainty, we are willing to continue this behavior nevertheless.
All magic comes with a price
Although it may sound that way, this isn’t a wrong development per definition. Because by aligning ourselves to these opposite points, we present ourselves with the opportunity to remember and reassess the qualities and skills that our soul has already mastered in former lives. Which she will need to confidently shine through when the time comes to make the leap back from the South- to the North Node.
But it does mean that we have lived most of our lives from a different consciousness. That has disconnected us from who we really are. When we then feel the pull of our North Node to return to who we really are and to mix our acquired personality traits with those of our soul, it can feel uncomfortable to give in to this call. This has to do with the fact that this isn’t an automatic nor natural process, like descending to the South Node. The jump back to the North Node is a conscious choice. Which means that you consciously choose to go against the flow of your conditioning and inclinations to develop new and personal behavior. Which is completely opposite of what you’ve always believed. It also means that you can start to believe that everything you have experienced as impossible is possible. And that you no longer use the outside world as a guideline, but your inner world. That is challenging!
This decision is made after careful deliberation
After that first conscious choice, there will be more conscious choices that are necessary to strengthen the connection with the North Node. On this path, we therefore encounter various obstacles and challenges that can our foundation shake beneath our feet. Sometimes the ground will even be knocked out from under them. Which can make it difficult to stay true to this part of yourself. And it can be tempting at those times to sink back into the familiar waters of your South Node.
Staying true to yourself means that you stay free from the form
Although this is not wrong either, we will notice that when we want to ‘settle’ here again, it will soon feel as a constriction. Because our soul wants to grow and for that we have to progress by staying free of form. Locking ourselves into the old form is the tightness we then feel. Because even though it feels okay, it doesn’t actually give us what we long for. It is because of this that we become disconnected from our inner compass – our inner Knowing – and that we can feel lost. Because we then look from the outside in instead of the other way around. By which we no longer know which path is the right one for ourselves.
Let go of the control to instead surrender to the Higher Plan of the soul
The solution lies in letting go of control by being aware that every step we take can not be attributed to us personally. We function as a channel to express the energy that flows through us, guided by our Higher Self. The next step is to surrender to this by making peace with the fact that we don’t know what and where that will take us. That, that’s okay. If we can find peace with this acceptance, new life, or new ideas, can be born.
But how can we find peace in the not knowing? And how can we nevertheless stay to true to who we genuinely are?
What helps me in these moments is to take stock of my life again. By looking at my birth chart. This is the blueprint of who I really am. It translates the pure form in which I incarnated here on earth and with what talents and gifts I was born. It also reveals my traumas and wounds and how I can deal with them. With this knowledge in the back of my head, I start to reminisce and reflect upon the situations in my memories that come to mind. By researching how these situations in my memories relate to my birth chart, I find my foundation again. I also often come up with new insights that help me map out my new course.